Menu

Monday, March 7, 2011

Top 10 Reasons Women Date Jailbirds!

There are plenty of good men floating around in the world. Yet women pursue relationships with convicts all the time. Insane, you might think? Pathetic? Probably. But what could it possibly be about these special “long distance” relationships that appeal to some women?
10. Locked up is better than on the loose.
There’s none of that, “Where were you last night?” or “So you like the intern at your office better than me?” or “Why are you staring at that girl? You think her butt is perkier than mine, don’t you?” Tall walls and armed guards mean he’s totally devoted to you.
9. Nothing like a prison project!
Some women say they like bad boys because they can change them—you know, give him a new attitude, a new conscience, maybe even a makeover. If your guy’s incarcerated, you’ve got your work cut out for you. But then again, there’s nowhere to go but up.
8. Jailbirds come in flocks.
Out in the free world, if your relationship falls apart it can take months to find a replacement beau. If you’re into prisoners, there’s plenty to go around. And you know exactly where to find them. Of course, if you don’t want to cause any riots you should probably find a guy at another location.
7. Your mailbox is always full.
If it weren’t for prisoner-groupie relationships, the epistolary-style would be a lost art. While the rest of us deal with the daily disappointing trip to the mailbox (great, more bills), those who date men in prison receive long, romantic letters.
6. He’s doing time, not pestering you to do “it.”
If you actually marry your prisoner (ah, Mrs. Inmate #4544328) you can have sex on your own time. That’s the beauty of the conjugal visit! He won’t paw at you when you have a headache or expect it just because it’s his birthday. Sure, when you do have sex it has to be in a prison but it seemed to work just fine for Gabrielle on Desperate Housewives.
5. Exercise yard = fabulous body.
The Prison Break guys may not exist in real life, but the exercise yard sure does. And what other guy has as much time to work on his abs and quads? You may not get to enjoy them much, but when you do it’s enough to last you for another week.
4. The remote is all yours.
So he hates America’s Next Top Model. And he wishes you’d stop listening to country music on road trips. It no longer matters. Crank up that stereo, girl, because the only thing he’s listening to is his roomie snoring in that bunk bed.
3. Nobody’s scarier than a gangster’s moll.
Looking for instant street credibility? An unofficial insurance policy? Dating the ultimate bad guy means that no one will mess with you. Ever.
2. Their dating profiles don’t look half bad.
“34-year-old agricultural salesman from California. Widower. Resembles Dean Cain.” When’s the last time you found that on Match.com? Now realize that Scott Peterson may not be everybody’s dream guy, but if you’re looking for a homicidal hunk, there are plenty to go around.
1. Breaking out is never boring.
Perhaps he wants you to help him plot his escape. Oh, the hours the two of you will spend drawing up maps of the prison, finding disguises. Even if you prefer to do something more conventional like lobby the parole board…that could still keep you pretty busy.

1 comment: