Thursday, April 4, 2013

Laughing All The Way To The Bank

Let's say I owned the only supermarket in a small town a couple days drive from the nearest town. A remote quaint blue collar town in the middle of nowhere. Let's say we only have one TV station and one radio station. Now suppose 2 weeks ago I doubled all my prices and purposely left most of my shelves bare in order to fain the illusion of a severe food shortage. I then explained to anyone and everyone that would listen that it was the food shortage that caused all my prices to double.

Today, I got in all new inventories. The stockroom is overflowing onto the loading docks and now my prices have tripled. The radio and television stations have gone into high alert status of an impending natural disaster that leaves us no time to evacuate and will last for several weeks, and possibly even months. Every morsel and scrap is bought off the shelves as fast as they can be restocked. Delivery trucks are unloading round the clock to keep up with the demand. I am raking in the dough. I make so much money from this emergency disaster that has not even happened yet, that I pack up and leave town for good in the middle of the night a freshly created multimillionaire.

The next day when I am nowhere to be found the people of the town are puzzled. The radio and television stations said there was no time to evacuate so why would I leave? With the Mayor leading the way, the citizens converge upon the TV and Radio stations looking for answers. Both station managers come out to confront the angry mob. They explain to the mob that I had booked four solid days of broadcast time to air a play about the mother of all natural disasters. That whole thing was all just theatrics. There was nothing but sunny skies on the horizon for the next two weeks.

The mob grows violent. What a criminal I am to have tricked them so. I made them empty their bank accounts, cash out their IRAs & pensions and their children's college funds to buy the staples of life to get them, and their family through this disaster... And it was all a joke, a hoax and entertainment... But mostly, it was a scam to relieve them of every single dollar they possessed. I bet they wanna string me up right about now and rightfully so I imagine. What an asshole I would be to have perpetrated such a fraud on my community.

Now this seems pretty silly right? What town has nothing but one radio and TV station that could be bought like this? We live in the information age. We have thousands of TV and Radio stations in addition to the internet. No one could pull off a hoax like this on us, right???

Think again my friend. It has been happening for the past six... Count them... 6 years. I am using that new Tea Party math that had Obama serving 2 years when he had only been in office for 13 months and blaming him for two year old problems after only being in office for 11 months, but alas I digress.

Before the ink on the election ballots had dried and before the Electoral College smoke had cleared, the NRA, Gun Manufacturers and the Gun Lobby began screaming at the tops of their lungs from every rooftop and any broadcasting platform that would propagate their UN-natural disaster... "The Socialist Islamic Communist Nigger President is gonna take all your guns". And what did you suckers do??? You emptied our bank accounts and filled up your gun rooms with more weapons than you had hands to hold. You bought more bullets that could fit in all your clips and ammunition boxes combined. After all, you are at war, right? Drastic times demand drastic measures and we need to TAKE BACK OUR COUNTRY!!!

But still, all in all... Here we are... Six years later... And NO ONE has had their guns taken. But the ads I hear on the radio still urge me to "get your guns while you still can". And yet not one angry mob has gathered. Not one posse formed to date. Not even a Flash Mob at the local Mall singing and dancing about stringing up David Keene and Wayne LaPierre.

You guys are far bigger suckers than the people in my fictitious story. Those people had sparsely hours to prepare with very limited access to facts and information. You idiots have the entire world at your fingertips and years to filter out the noise. And I'll bet the farm, that a year from this essay being published, you will still be stumbling over each other to see who can fill the Gun industry's coffers the fastest. You people are dumber than dirt. Too stupid to even see how you have been played like a fiddle by the Gun Industry. Even on Obama's last day in office I bet you will be cowering in your gun closet, clutching your guns and trying to order a few more over the internet before he comes to outlaw and take them all away.

P. T. Barnum said it best... "There is a sucker born every minute".

Let me end by saying, that this piece is in no way about the good, honest, law aiding citizens exercising their 2nd Amendment rights, that would own the exact same firearms they do right now, if McCain, Obama, Romney or anyone else were in office.


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