Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Single mothers

This subject is going to piss a lot of people off, but I really do not care. Someone with a lick of sense has to have the balls to say what so many know to be true. Single mothers are destroying this country. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming any single mom and my aim is not to vilify the single mom. My aim is to deglamourize the single mom.
There seems to be some confusion that occurred somewhere in the early to mid 1980s that has spiraled out of control. For the 1st time in the 80s, single moms were not vilified for being so. Prior to that time women would go through all sorts of insanity in order to escape that stigma (hell even divorced moms went through it). Women would have abortions they did not want, lie to their (bastard) children and say the father died or was in jail, casualty/fatality of war, etc… Some women would even go away for a year long trip and come back with a baby and a whopping yarn as to the legitimacy of the child. This was horrible… It was an absolutely horrendous abomination. All sarcasm aside, someone had the brilliant idea to make these women and their children feel more comfortable about their situation… And I agree this was necessary because, we had this small segment of society overburdened with guilt, anger and hurt issues. What happened next was just as tragic as what it replaced. We started telling young women it was okay to be a single mom (even great to be), that they did not need the father to raise their kids. Before you know it, the black community in particular, but poor communities in general were hit with multiple generations of single teen moms including 24 and 36yo grandmothers raising their grandkids. And all that is perfectly acceptable because, they turned out alright, didn’t they? You have young men thinking there is nothing wrong with getting a girl pregnant and not caring or taking care of the child because they never saw it in their life… And they turned out alright, didn’t they? Add the crack epidemic of the 80s to the equation and this whole twisted logic has taken own a life of its own.

Now I am not suggesting going back to a time where women got abortions they didn’t want to have in order to maintain their social standings… But something has to give people. We have these past couple generations of poor kids thinking women are their sex toys and good for nothing more than ejaculating in or on and the corresponding generations of women believe and endorse it (many of them thinking it was actually THEIR idea)… And worse, it has actually become a badge of honor for these young women to raise a child by themselves with no help from the father. After all, their mother did it, and she turned out alright, didn’t they? Whole generations of young men that think it is the actions of a man to squeeze the trigger of a gun in order to inflict their will, anger and/or aggression on the world. They have never had a father in their lives to explain to them that sometimes the most man like action you can take is to walk away from confrontation. Never had a father to explain to them that if you cannot afford it, it is not acceptable to take it. Jail time is yet another badge of honor for these young fatherless men run amuck and their theme music and anthems can be heard banging loudly from the cars on the street, validating their motivations and actions.

Most of the experiences I write about in this piece are directly derived from being a black man living in the black community and at one time I thought them pretty exclusive to the black community… But I have come to realize this is occurring in ALL poor communities… Even in more financially stable and well to do communities are not immune. The poor are hurt the most, but no community is immune to this epidemic. Something has to change people… Each birthing cycle is reinforcing the previous’ legitimacy. Maybe it is too late already, but lord knows the longer we wait the harder and maybe more impossible the correction will become.

I want to punch home one last time that I am NOT blaming the single mom for this problem (though she shares some blame). I cannot fathom any women doing this in order to screw up our society.  But like I said, there has to be a middle ground. There has to be something in between making these young women social pariah and glorifying them as social superheroes. Truth be told, it is actually the M.I.A. fathers that are the true villains here. Maybe if we took a little of that past vilification we used to inflict upon the single moms of the past and cast it on the dead beat dads we might have a chance to affect some sort of change. We have to find a way to make both parents responsible for their children’s lives. I don’t know the answer, but I can sure as hell see the problem clear as day.


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